Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
