I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
