Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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