Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
