She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
