i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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