You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
