Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
