speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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