is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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