Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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