she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
