i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
