I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
