There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
