Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
