maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
