I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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