It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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