She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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