True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
