Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
