How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
