watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
