Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
