So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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