So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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