do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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