if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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