I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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