Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
