If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
