and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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