YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
All the doctor said was why
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
