The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Damn victory sex feels great
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
