i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
