Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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