Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
