I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
