You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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