Me. At least after what I've been through.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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