she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
