The maid of honor just puked.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
