did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
