Your mouth is God's brothel.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
