All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
