Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
