why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
