i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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