anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
