so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
